I know, I know. You
hate that word. For good reasons. All your life, people have insisted you need a Savior, because you're a sinner. You know in your heart that all this "worthless sinner" business is a crock of....yes, of course, you know that. And yet, if you're anything at all like me, there have been times when you have said or done things that you immediately wanted to take back. (I have often found myself wishing that life had something equivalent to MS Word's
UNDO key.)
So that brings up a hard question: How does one recover from grevious mistakes? Better question: How do I feel okay about myself after I've said or done something unworthy, nay, verily, reprehensible? It doesn't happen very often in my life, thank God. But when it does, I'm the most miserable of God's children.
Oh, sure, I can tell myself, "You are accepted by God the way you are. Sin is self inflicted nonsense. Sin is error belief. Sin is missing the mark...attempting to negate a divine idea...You should not feel bad. This is a learning experience."
And just as surely as I know that all that "worthless sinner...need a Savior" stuff is not satisfying, some of the above New Thought responses are equally nugatory when I am gripped by the aftermath of a hurtful or selfish choice I have made.
Just as their are circles of faith, circles of belief, circles of love--there seem to be "circles of sin". If I am inside a circle of love or faith or belief, I want to expand it, stay inside its embrace. However, when trapped inside a circle of sin the first item on my agenda is
breakout.
The Breakout Formula. I look at what I've done. I affirm that I'm better than this. I accept full responsibility for the mistake, which sometimes calls for me to acknowledge that I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. I bless, release and forgive myself for making this non-productive choice. I remind myself that it isn't about what's
evil and good, it's about what
works and doesn't work.
Sometimes, I will give myself an assignment: Center on a spiritual word, playing it like a mantra in my mind. Or do something nice for someone and not tell anyone about it. (Is that penance? I've never been a Catholic, but there's something comforting in actually DOING something to make ammends.)
And then I will repeat the process as often as necessary, whenever the feelings of guilt resurface. Bless, release, forgive. Make ammends as necessary.
Sure, sure. There are people out there who are shaking their heards and murmuring,
"I knew he wasn't really Unity..." But why not raid the pantry of Western spirituality as well as Eastern thought? I find no comfort in denying what I am actually feeling--i.e., guilt--rather than dealing with the challenge of missing the mark by picking up my arrow and shooting again, and again, until it hits the target, and I break out of the circle called sin.
That's a mixed metaphor, but I can live with it.
